For some reason that no one can comprehend, you, a writer, instead of writing, are busy not doing the one activity that you cherish above all others. For some reason, instead of working on your next New York Times Best Selling novel, you’re here.
For some reason, you are procrastinating. Is it to be expected? Yes. Is it still disappointing? Also yes. It be like that sometimes.
But if I am one thing, I am most certainly an enabler, so here’s more things you can do instead of . . . you know . . . working on chasing your hopes and dreams. Because this is evidently a better use of your time.
Spontaneously Outline A Horrible YA Novel With Your Friend
But Ree, you’ll cry, like the crier you are, I already spend all my time outlining my super detailed 100,000 debut novel! I don’t want to do it again, thinking hurts my brain :O
You fool! This is not work, this is procrastination at its finest! Sure you’re outlining, but there are two key phrases in this activity that you’ve overlooked: that is ‘a horrible YA novel’ and ‘with your friend’.
There’s no need for thinking here. There’s no need for any type of critical thought to happen at all! All you have to do is gather (1) friend (which is the hardest part) and together, throw all the trashiest YA tropes together into one horrific, juicy document.
For example:
- Enemies to Lovers, 100K
- “And there was only one bed”
- Vague oppressive government that for some contrived reason makes teenagers fight within a virtual reality death game
- Love interest’s name is like a number or something vague
- Tragic backstory
- Protagonist has ability that makes them “unlike everyone else”
- Love interest is a vampire AI enemy assassin who likes botany and is basically Socrates in disguise, sipping wine and slurring out fake deep thoughts and advice
- Swords. Everyone has a sword.
See? There was not one critical thought present in that list! And with your friend, if they don’t ghost you for the next week in some contrived attempt to erase your existence from their mind, you will both ascend to Peak Dumbassery where you both have no shame and can come up with wonderful titles such as: Oh no, I’ve Fallen into a Video Game and Accidentally Acquired a Harem~ <3
And it would be negligent of me to ignore its beloved sequel: Oh no, I’ve Fallen into a Government Conspiracy and Accidentally Acquired an STD~ <3
Spontaneously Become An English Teacher
Going to college and grad school to educate yourself and get the proper credentials in order to teach the next generation? No! Supply and demand, baby. If your friend has a horrible English professor, simply become one yourself!
You can have fun procrastinating by writing a spicy and fun syllabus. Unleash the most pretentious prose you can muster. Explore the reach of your new-found authority as an unqualified teacher without credentials.
Have fun writing things like “Since your English class has turned out to be functionally useless, I have taken it upon myself to be your supplementary English teacher. If you’d like, you can refer to me as Master or Overlord—I’m not picky” and having no one to reprimand you about it.
To top it off, outline a syllabus for the next four weeks using random AP prompts that you’ve copied from the internet, give bi-weekly assignments, and watch as your friend devotes as much time and attention to your shabby course as they do to their actual courses—which is to say that minimal effort is exerted.
Annotate Books For Intellectual Stimulation
Is your entire identity based off of studying and high academic achievement? Well, this activity is for you!
For this you’re going to need (1) prose-heavy novel (the older, the more difficult, and the more tear-inducing the better), a pencil/pen, and if you really want to be fancy, sticky notes.
It’s time for you to realize your true calling in life as you underline long sentences, searching for repetition and alliteration and whatever else there is. Have fun thinking.
Write 300 Sonnets
Ever heard of that one quote by that one guy who was basically like, “If someone writes you a sonnet, they like you, if they write you 300 sonnets, they like sonnets”?
That’s the new challenge for writers: instead of working on your WIP, write 300 sonnets.
How did this idea come around, you might ask? Well, of my three friends that I correspond daily with, one of them is unwilling to back down the moment they smell weakness in a person or an argument. They’re like a blue whale terrorizing krill in the ocean. Absolute mad man.
So obviously we argued about this quote? Because of course we did? I’ll spare you the details but the gist is write 300 sonnets about one person and you win something.
If you need ideas, here was my comprehensive list of rewards. No I have not written one sonnet.
Write?
This one is a bit out-there, I know.
I just thought I’d leave it here as a suggestion. Not that I expect this suggest to be followed, it’s a little absurd.
Conclusion
Well, there you go. Those are five fun things you can do involving writing. Is this a good use of your time? Uncertain. Is it fun? Occasionally.
Are there any writing-related things that you do that isn’t technically ‘actual writing’?
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