This is the unfortunate but inevitable successor to Why I Need To Get A Job: A Book Related Rant About Life. If this were a book, this outcome might have been foreshadowed via me saying “I wanted to quit after the first three days” because this sentiment did not change over the five months I worked at this-place-which-shall-not-be-named.

I came out of that job with two things: a slightly heavier wallet and the bitterly earned knowledge that retail is just not it.

But now, five months older, wiser, and imbued with the knowledge of my ancestors, I am still in the same position as I once was—that is to say broke as fuck and wanting books.

So now allow me to present to you the books that I dearly want but don’t have.

1. The Tale of Genji by Lady Murasaki Shikibu

One does not live life without hearing about Murasaki Shikibu. Should one float through life without hearing her name, then they have truly lived a sad, sad existence.

The intrigue surrounding this woman! The politics! Her legendary rivalry with Sei Shonagon, author of The Pillow Book, (and yes I did read it expecting something very different, oops) and how it was compounded since they served opposing empresses!

Just. Murasaki, man. I will read this thirteen hundred page monster if it’s the last thing I do.

2. The Tempest by William Shakespeare

I know, I know this is a play and isn’t actually a book, but hear me out: Shakespeare. Just Shakespeare. That is my defense for making a title that is completely inaccurate seeing that two of the five ‘books’ listed aren’t even books.

But I’ve really been itching to get my hands on this, mostly because I heard this song by The Amazing Devils where there’s an allusion to the character Prospero in The Tempest via one line in their song titled ‘New York Torch Song‘, and it’s absolutely glorious.

3. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

So there’s this anime called Bungou Stray Dogs . . . and one of the villains is Fyodor Dostoyevsky. And he has a superpower called Crime and Punishment.

I am once again taking book recommendations from anime. I regret nothing.

4. No Way to Treat a First Lady by Christopher Buckley

I read Christopher Buckley’s political satire Thank You For Smoking a couple of years ago and yes it is exactly as glorious as it seems. The wit, the humor, the absolute mad-man writing—I’ve been dying to get my grubby gremlin hands on another one of his books ever since, and I’ve got my eye set on this one. The light sarcasm in the title? The titular image?

Attention grabbed and held tight (which is apparently not out of the realm of possibility for what might happen to the First Lady).

5. The Iliad by Homer

Last but not least, allow me to introduce the man, the legend, the Beyonce of the literature world, Homer himself.

I’m not completely sure if this entry counts since I found a PDF of it online, but I’m adding it because I want a hard cover. So. Bad. But if anyone wants to read it with me, you can read it here and let’s scream in the void together.

Before anyone says it, yes I know The Iliad is not a book and is, in fact, a poem. But it has words and therefore I am adding it to this list. Sue me. The Iliad is too epic not to include.

Pun intended.

Closing Thoughts

All I want for Christmas is these books, a winning lottery ticket, and good skin, is that too much to ask?

What book do you currently want to read?